motivating kids to do homework

Ten Homework Motivation Strategies for Children and Teens

Use these 10 strategies to end the homework wars..

Posted September 6, 2015 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

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When it comes to homework, parents get burnt out hearing these hollow and suspicious words: "I did it at school," "They didn't give homework today," "It hardly counts for my grade," "My teacher never looks at my homework anyway," "That assignment was optional." As parents, hearing these words is enough to drive you crazy.

As I write in my book, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child , parents must not let their emotions get the best of them when their kids are not getting homework done. The strategies below are for helping your child or teen get unstuck:

• Nix the nagging! Pestering creates an adversarial, shaming dynamic that backfires. Instead, try my Calm, Firm, and Non-Controlling approach. Gently empower your child or teen by supportively saying, "I see that you are frustrated. Let's think of ways to help you get back on track with your homework/schoolwork."
• Encourage effort over perfection. Be mindful that kids tend to get intimidated when they have a hard time understanding material. They may get into negative self-talk like, "I can't do this." Even if they're truly thinking this way, parents may instead hear comments like, "I hate this." or "This is stupid." Remind your child or teen that doing his best effort is better than not doing it at all.
• Prioritize. Coach and encourage that the order that homework is done based on urgency, complexity, and workload. At the same time, realize that some students do better by starting with easier tasks and that this can help spark them to tackle more demanding assignments.
• Break it down. Reinforce breaking up homework time into manageable chunks and encourage taking regular breaks. Encourage moving around and walking away for a bit. Remind that an apple really does provide the same effect, and is healthier than an energy drink.
• Think "15 minutes of pain." Have the student set a timer for only 15 minutes. Keep it lighthearted and explain that even if it "hurts" doing the work, she can stop after 15 minutes. Like most things in life, once we push ourselves and get going, it's not so bad.
• Don't be consequence ravenous. Imposing consequences for homework not being done can backfire with defiant behavior. If you use consequences, don't present them with yelling. Keep them reasonable and ask the student to help you be able to move towards rewards (don't go overboard) and minimize consequences. Remember that real, natural consequences are the best motivators.
• Encourage connection. Encourage the student to make or re-establish a connection with his teacher. I have seen hundreds of kids "shoot themselves in the foot" with incomplete homework if they don't have a decent relationship with their teacher.
• Change up the homework/study surroundings. Try putting an inspirational poster by the desk, moving to a different room, or silencing the cell phone. New changes can create more changes.
• Use those study halls. Encourage the use of them as much as possible. Some kids lose sight of that more done at school, means less to do at home.
• Allow for some fun. Notice if your student is racing through the homework just to have fun. Fun time like, TV, phone time, or surfing the web, is welcome, but make sure you put limits on it.

Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D. , is a psychologist and the author of seven books, including 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child.

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How To Motivate Child To Do Homework (7 Practical Tips)

Kid is on almost every parent’s mind right now.

Getting kids to do homework is not always painful.

In fact, it can be outright fun!

In this article, I will share the secret on motivating your child to not only do homework but also love homework.

Yes, you read it right.

It is possible to love doing school work.

No yelling, screaming, threatening or crying required.

Table of Contents

Why Do Kids Hate Homework

Let’s start with kindergarteners.

For many children, kindergarten is their first formal experience in school.

Kindergarten has changed a lot over the last decade.

Once a place for socialization and play, kindergartens now emphasize the importance of learning to read, to count, to sit still and to listen to the teachers.

Going from playing all day at home to behaving or sitting still in a structured environment for hours at a time is a tough transition.

To add to that, many kindergartens also assign homework to these little children, further reducing their available play time.

It’s no wonder that some kindergarteners are not motivated to do homework.

Homework Motivation

Remember when your child was still a toddler, he/she would get into anything and everything?

They were curious and they were eager to learn about everything around them.

They were passionate learners .

Children naturally love learning, if we provide the right environment and motivate them appropriately.

Here’s the problem…

When you hear the word “motivate”, what do you think of it?

If you’re thinking about toys, money, iPad time, points, stickers, etc., you’re not alone.

Rewards (and sometimes punishments) are many parents’ go-to motivators.

Parents love them because they work almost instantly.

You present the prize and the child complies to get it. Problem solved.

Simple and effective.

But very soon, you will notice some unintended results.

Here is an example.

Some years ago, after a lecture, Professor Mark Lepper was approached by a couple who told him about a system of rewards they had set up for their son, which had produced much improved behavior at the dinner table. “He sits up straight and eats his peas and the Brussels sprouts and he is really very well behaved,” they reported. Until, that is, the first time the family dined at a nice restaurant. The child looked around, picked up a crystal glass from the table and asked, “How many points not to drop this?” A fine example, says Dr. Lepper, of the detrimental effects of over-reliance on rewards to shape children’s behavior. Mark Lepper: Intrinsic Motivation, Extrinsic Motivation and the Process of Learning By Christine VanDeVelde Luskin, Bing Nursery School at Stanford University

This example is far from rare.

In fact, it is very common when a child is motivated purely by an external reward.

Once the reward is removed, the child will no longer be interested in continuing the behavior.

What’s the right way to motivate children ?

The answer is intrinsic motivation.

Intrinsic motivation for kids refers to engaging in an activity for its pure enjoyment.

This enjoyment comes from within an individual and is a psychological satisfaction derived from performing the task, not from an extrinsic outcome.

In other words, to get your kid to do homework, first help them enjoy doing it .

It is not as crazy as it sounds.

It’s unfortunate that homework is called “work”.

We like to separate work from play.

So naturally, we feel that homework is drudgery.

But it doesn’t have to be.

Homework is a tool for children to learn and get familiar with the knowledge taught in class.

To enjoy homework, the child has to enjoy learning .

How To Motivate a Child To Do Homework

To motivate kids, we first change our mindset, from a working mindset to a learning mindset .

The goal of going to school is not about getting into college, finding a good job, earning a stable income, etc.

Of course, all of those are wonderful, but that’s a working mindset – you’re doing all that work for reasons other than enjoying the learning itself.

Going to school is about learning , acquiring knowledge, exploring new subjects and growing as a person.

In the US, the average expected years of schooling is 16.7 years.

If a child doesn’t like school, that will be 16.7 years of misery.

You don’t want that for your child.

But here’s the good news.

If you can intervene early, like in kindergarten or even before kindergarten, your child will be getting off to a good start.

So, convince yourself to change from the working mindset to the learning mindset.

It sounds abstract, but here are 7 tangible steps for moving toward that goal.

1. Stop referring to kid doing homework as your child’s “job”

When you call it a “job”, you are implying that it will be all work and no fun.

Doing that is setting up a child to feel bad even when it’s not.

2. Don’t tell your child, “you cannot play until you finish your homework”

Again, by putting homework in a category separate from play, you are saying that it cannot be enjoyable.

The importance of play cannot be overstated. So make it count.

Tell your child that they can do both (of course, only healthy physical play like basketball or biking, but not watching iPad).

They can decide the order of doing them as long as they do both by the end of the day.

You’d be surprised – giving a child autonomy over their homework schedule is one of the biggest motivators.

3. Don’t use “no homework” as rewards

I once heard that some teachers would give students with good behavior “no homework tonight” as a reward.

I was horrified.

Homework is for practicing what we’ve learned in school.

It helps us understand and remember better.

It’s not a punishment or torture that you need a “break” to feel better.

Don’t give your child the impression that homework is something you want to get away from.

4. Do not nag, bribe or force

Do not nag and do not force your kid to do homework, whether through rewards or punishment.

“But then, how to make kids do homework?” parents wonder.

Don’t make your child do homework. Period.

Forcing or bribing will only backfire and reduce your child’s intrinsic motivation.

The motivation to do homework needs to come from within the child themselves.

5. Let your child face the natural consequences

“But what to do when my child refuses to do homework?” many frustrated parents ask.

When your child refuses to do school work, let them… after you explain why doing homework is important for learning and what may happen in school if they don’t.

Walk them through the natural consequences for not doing homework – they won’t retain the information well and they will need to accept whatever natural consequences in school.

They will have to explain to the teacher why the homework was not done and they may lose some recess time, etc (but first confirm that the school doesn’t use corporal or other types of cruel punishment).

Wait… What?!

You think I should let my child fail?

Well, not doing homework in lower grades is not the end of your child’s academic career.

Think about this, you cannot force or bribe your child through college.

Help them understand the purpose of learning and doing homework now .

You’re helping them make the right decision by letting them understand and face the natural consequences sooner rather than later.

6. Do homework with your child

Don’t tell your kid that homework is important, show them through your action.

Do the homework with them.

You are telling your child you value this so much that you are willing to take the time to do it together. Besides, parental involvement is associated with better school performance.

7. Make doing homework fun and positive

There are many ways to make homework for kids fun.

Let’s take a look at two methods I’ve used and the results.

You can try them or invent your own.

Method 1: Use doing homework as a “reward” (younger kids like kindergarteners)

Wait, you said that using rewards wasn’t good a moment ago.

Now you say, “use homework as a reward”?

Well, I said rewards were bad because you would be implying the activity you’re trying to motivate your child to do was not as good as the reward.

But here, I am using homework as a reward.

I am signaling to my child that doing homework is so good that she needs to “earn it”.

How to earn it?

You can try different things.

We used “If you behave, you can do homework with me. If you don’t behave, you can’t do homework.”

We started at preschool and it worked very well.

Parents who have tried this report good results in motivating their children to do homework, too.

But some of them have concerns…

Some parents are uncomfortable with this idea because it feels manipulative.

That’s because these parents do not believe in the idea that homework can be fun.

So they feel like they’re lying to the child.

But I genuinely like homework! (Yes, I’m officially a nerd)

So I have no problem helping my child learn to love homework like me.

If you are not convinced yourself, you may not want to try this method.

Or if your child is older and already hates homework, it won’t work.

However, although I don’t agree with using manipulative measures in general, I don’t see this particular one harmful to children even if the parents do not like homework themselves.

Method 2: Turn doing homework into a game and a bonding activity

When my daughter was in preschool, I bought colorful homework books and we did them together.

Sometimes we took turns – she did one problem and I did the next and so on.

Sometimes we raced to see who would finish the page faster.

Sometimes I did them wrong intentionally so that my daughter could point out the wrong answers.

It was actually very empowering and satisfying for her to be able to catch Mom’s mistakes!

We celebrated when we both finished or got the right answers.

It was a lot of fun and my kid enjoyed doing that so much.

By the time she started kindergarten, she already loved homework.

In kindergarten, I couldn’t do her homework because, well, that’s her homework.

So I bought homework books that were similar to the ones she brought from school. Then, I did problems alongside her as she did hers.

We still raced, celebrated, and had fun doing it.

The result?

At the beginning of her kindergarten year, my daughter was given two homework books to take home.

The teacher would assign homework from the books every week.

They were supposed to be used for the entire school year.

But my kindergartener liked doing homework so much that she finished it all in one month!

No yelling, screaming, threatening, or crying is required.

Final Word On Motivating Your Kid To Do Homework

Getting your kid to do homework is only the first step in building a good learning habit.

Finishing homework or getting good grades is not the purpose of going to school.

Instill the love of learning in your child early on and your child will benefit for life.

• 1. Ginsburg KR. The Importance of Play in Promoting Healthy Child Development and Maintaining Strong Parent-Child Bonds. PEDIATRICS . Published online January 1, 2007:182-191. doi:https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2006-2697
• 2. Lepper MR, Greene D. Turning play into work: Effects of adult surveillance and extrinsic rewards on children’s intrinsic motivation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology . Published online 1975:479-486. doi:https://doi.org/10.1037/h0076484
• 3. Nye C, Turner H, Schwartz J. Approaches to Parent Involvement for Improving the Academic Performance of Elementary School Age Children. Campbell Systematic Reviews . Published online 2006:1-49. doi:https://doi.org/10.4073/csr.2006.4

Disclaimer: The content of this article is intended for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for medical concerns.

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How To Keep Your Child Motivated When Studying: 11 Tips For Parents

As children get older, more responsibility is placed on them to doing their homework and stay on top of their assignments. While some students have the motivation to complete their homework on time, other students struggle to get started and need help with homework.

Although it’s important for parents to take an active role in ensuring their child completes homework, it’s also important to not force your child to do it—there’s a big difference between forcing and motivating.

Encouraging your child to find motivation in a positive way is important for building habits that last. Forcing your child to do work can make them resent homework time, making self-motivation much more difficult to achieve.

So what can you do when your child has no motivation to study? Check out these tips to help your child find the drive to get homework done.

How To Stay Motivated For Homework

1. find out what’s stopping your child from doing their homework.

Your child may be unmotivated to study for a number of reasons. Finding the root of the problem will help with homework and help you and your child develop a plan to overcome the barriers that are preventing him or her from doing their homework.

Some reasons for lack of motivation may be:

• Poor understanding of the material
• Work that isn’t challenging enough
• Work that isn’t suited to his or her learning style
• Anxiety about school
• Low self-confidence

2. Make Homework Time Easier

Make study time as easy as possible for your child by providing him or her with everything needed to get work done:

• Quiet space: Find a quiet, distraction-free space for your child to study.
• Food and drink: If your child is hungry, it can be hard to focus on work. Give your child a light snack before a study session and plenty of water to ensure he or she can remain focused.
• The right tools: Make sure pencils, an eraser, a calculator, and other important tools are easily accessible so time isn’t wasted trying to find them.

Making sure your child has everything he or she needs means less resistance and fewer excuses.

3. Create A Homework Help Plan Together

Children do well with structure—having a solid study plan in place will help keep your child on track. Sit down with your child and create a plan for doing their homework each night. Including your child in the process will help keep him or her engaged (and more willing to adhere to the plan!)

Your plan should include:

• When homework is to be done each day
• How much time should be spent on doing their homework
• How often to take breaks and for how long
• What tasks should be prioritized (i.e. assignments that are due the soonest)

4. Create A Reward System

Build a reward system with your child so he or she has something to look forward to once study time is complete—the key to staying motivated when studying. The rewards can be as simple as watching TV once homework is done or collecting ‘points’ after each study session to use for something special.

5. Limiting Stress Will Help with Homework

If your child is stressed, he or she might find it difficult to study, or even find the motivation to get started in the first place. Help your child relieve stress by spending time with him or her and encouraging conversations about thoughts and feelings.

Make sure your child has enough time each evening to de-stress. Discuss activities to do during study breaks or after doing their homework is complete that can help lower stress, such as:

• Going for a walk
• Listening to music

6. Focus On Learning Instead Of Performance

Instead of focusing primarily on grades, celebrate milestones related to learning—both big and small.

This might be when your child successfully solves a tricky math problem, or when he or she finishes writing the first draft of an essay. When switching the focus to learning, your child can find more enjoyment in accomplishing work, helping boost motivation.

7. Encourage Your Child To Set Small Goals

Encourage your child to set small, achievable study goals based on what needs to be accomplished. Setting goals gives your child clear directions for what needs to be done, and boosts confidence when he or she accomplishes these goals.

Some examples of studying goals include:

• Read one chapter of the assigned reading
• Review notes for twenty minutes
• Complete 5 practice questions from the textbook

8. Try Different Techniques

There isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ solution for studying—every student has a slightly different way of learning. If your child is studying with a method that doesn’t match his or her learning style, he or she might get frustrated because grasping the material becomes much more difficult. Try different studying techniques to see what works best for your child.

9. Take Proper Study Breaks

Although it can be tempting to try to get your child to doing their homework done in one go, the brain can lose focus without breaks (especially for younger students). Dividing study time into manageable chunks is important for keeping your child’s mind fresh and engaged. Encourage your child to take proper study breaks during a study session. Keep these tips in mind for a productive study break:

• Use a timer to remind your child when it’s time to take a break
• Take breaks after about 30 minutes of work
• Keep breaks between 5-10 minutes long

10. Encourage Exercise

Pent-up energy leads to frustration and makes studying even more difficult. Regular exercise improves overall well-being and reduces stress, making it’s easier for doing their homework.

Make sure your child is getting plenty of physical activity each day before studying. Even a quick walk around the block during a study break is a great way to allow your child to get blood flowing to the brain and helps avoid frustration and burnout.

11. Provide Help With Homework For Your Child

Keep open communication with your child, and offer support when needed. This might include making arrangements to talk with your child’s teacher, getting your child some extra help , or just lending an ear when your child is feeling overwhelmed. Knowing that support is available will help your child develop the confidence to tackle any problems that might arise.

See how you can motivate your child to do their homework.

Help Your Child Get Help With Homework

Avoid the dreaded homework battle and use the tips above to help your child develop good study habits. While as a parent it’s important to make sure your child’s doing their homework, it’s important to not force your child to do it. Instead, focus on making study time a positive experience so your child can build self-motivation to get it completed on time.

If your child is struggling in a certain area or getting stuck on a certain subject, Oxford Learning is here to help! Contact us today to find out how we can help your child achieve success in school and beyond.

For more help with motivation and focus, check out these other resources: How To Study At Home (Without Getting Distracted) 5 Factors That Impact Your Child’s Focus (& How To Recognize Them)

How To Be A More Productive Student: 8 Tips & Things To Avoid

11 tips for helping your child manage a lot of homework, related homework resources.

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The Homework Battle: How to Get Children to Do Homework

By debbie pincus, ms lmhc.

Parents often feel it’s their job to get their kids to do well in school. Naturally, you might get anxious about this responsibility as a parent. You might also get nervous about your kids succeeding in life—and homework often becomes the focus of that concern.

But when parents feel it’s their responsibility to get their kids to achieve, they now need something from their children—they need them to do their homework and be a success. I believe this need puts you in a powerless position as a parent because your child doesn’t have to give you what you want.

The battle about homework becomes a battle over control. Your child starts fighting to have more control over the choices in their life, while you feel that your job as a parent is to be in control of things. So you both fight harder, and it turns into a war in your home.

Over the years, I’ve talked to many parents who are in the trenches with their kids, and I’ve seen firsthand that there are many creative ways kids rebel when it comes to schoolwork. Your child might forget to do their homework, do their homework but not hand it in, do it sloppily or carelessly, or not study properly for their test. These are just a few ways that kids try to hold onto the little control they have.

When this starts happening, parents feel more and more out of control, so they punish, nag, threaten, and argue. Some parents stop trying altogether to get their children to do homework. Or, and this is common, parents will over-function for their kids by doing the work for them.

Now the battle is in full swing: reactivity is heightened as anxiety is elevated—and homework gets lost in the shuffle. The hard truth for parents is that you cannot make your children do anything, let alone homework. But what you can do is to set limits, respect their individual choices, and help motivate them to motivate themselves.

You might be thinking to yourself, “You don’t know my child. I can’t motivate him to do anything.” Many parents tell me that their children are not motivated to do their work. I believe that children are motivated—they just may not be motivated the way you’d like them to be. Keep reading for some concrete tips to help you guide them in their work without having to nag, threaten, or fight with them.

Also, keep in mind that if you carry more of the worry, fear, disappointments, and concern than your child does about their work, ask yourself, “What’s wrong with this picture, and how did this happen?” Remember, as long as you carry their concerns, they don’t have to.

Stop the Nightly Fights

The way you can stop fighting with your kids over homework every night is to stop fighting with them tonight. Disengage from the dance. Choose some different steps or decide not to dance at all. Let homework stay where it belongs—between the teacher and the student. Stay focused on your job, which is to help your child do their job. Don’t do it for them.

If you feel frustrated, take a break from helping your child with homework. Your blood pressure on the rise is a no-win for everyone. Take five or ten minutes to calm down, and let your child do the same if you feel a storm brewing.

Create Structure Around Homework Time

Set limits around homework time. Here are a few possibilities that I’ve found to be effective with families:

• Homework is done at the same time each night.
• Homework is done in a public area of your house.
• If grades are failing or falling, take away screen time so your child can focus and have more time to concentrate on their work.
• Make it the rule that weekend activities don’t happen until work is completed. Homework comes first. As James Lehman says, “The weekend doesn’t begin until homework is done.”

Let Your Child Make Their Own Choices

I recommend that your child be free to make their own choices within the parameters you set around schoolwork. You need to back off a bit as a parent. Otherwise, you won’t be helping them with their responsibilities.

If you take too much control over the situation, it will backfire on you by turning into a power struggle. And believe me, you don’t want a power struggle over homework. I’ve seen many kids purposely do poorly just to show their parents who’s in charge. I’ve also seen children who complied to ease their parents’ anxiety, but these same kids never learned to think and make choices for themselves.

Let Your Child Own the Consequences of Their Choices

I’m a big believer in natural consequences when it comes to schoolwork. Within the structure you set up, your child has some choices. They can choose to do their homework or not. And they can choose to do it well and with effort or not. The natural consequences will come from their choices—if they don’t choose to do their work, their grades will drop.

When that happens, you can ask them some honest questions:

“Are you satisfied with how things are going?”

“What do you want to do about your grade situation?”

“How can I be helpful to you?”

Be careful not to be snarky or judgmental. Just ask the question honestly. Show honest concern and try not to show disappointment.

Intervene Without Taking Control

The expectation is that homework is done to the best of your child’s ability. When they stop making an effort, and you see their grades drop, that’s when you invite yourself in. You can say:

“It’s my job to help you do your job better. I’m going to help you set up a plan to help yourself, and I will check in to make sure you’re following it.”

Set up a plan with your child’s input to get them back on their feet. For example, the new rules might be that homework must be done in a public place in your home until they get their grades back up. You and your child might meet with the teacher to discuss disciplinary actions should their grades continue to drop.

In other words, you will help your child get back on track by putting a concrete plan in place. And when you see this change, you can step back out of it. But before that, your child is going to sit in a public space and you’re going to monitor their work.

You’re also checking in more. Depending on your child’s age, you’re making sure that things are checked off before they go out. You’re adding a half-hour of review time for their subjects every day. And then, each day after school, they’re checking with their teacher or going for some extra help.

Remember, this plan is not a punishment—it’s a practical way of helping your child to do their best.

“I Don’t Care about Bad Grades!”

Many parents will say that their kids just don’t care about their grades. My guess is that somewhere inside, they do care. “I don’t care” also becomes part of a power struggle.

In other words, your child is saying, “I’m not going to care because you can’t make me. You don’t own my life.” And they’re right. The truth is, you can’t make them care. Instead, focus on what helps their behavior improve. And focus more on their actions and less on their attitude because it’s the actions that matter the most.

Motivation Comes From Ownership

It’s important to understand that caring and motivation come from ownership. You can help your child be motivated by allowing them to own their life more.

So let them own their disappointment over their grades. Don’t feel it more than they do. Let them choose what they will do or not do about their homework and face the consequences of those choices. Now they will begin to feel ownership, which may lead to caring.

Let them figure out what motivates them, not have them motivated by fear of you. Help guide them, but don’t prevent them from feeling the real-life consequences of bad choices. Think of it this way: it’s better for your child to learn from those consequences at age ten by failing their grade and having to go to summer school than for them to learn at age 25 by losing their job.

When Your Child Has a Learning Disability

I want to note that it’s very important that you check to see that there are no other learning issues around your child’s refusal to do homework. If they’re having difficulty doing the work or are performing below grade-level expectations, they should be tested to rule out any learning disabilities or other concerns.

If there is a learning disability, your child may need more help. For example, some kids need a little more guidance; you may need to sit near your child and help a little more. You can still put structures into place depending on who your child is.

But be careful. Many times, kids with learning disabilities get way too much help and develop what psychologists call learned helplessness . Be sure you’re not over-functioning for your learning disabled child by doing their work for them or filling in answers when they’re capable of thinking through them themselves.

The Difference Between Guidance and Over-Functioning

Your child needs guidance from you, but understand that guidance does not mean doing their spelling homework for them. Rather, it’s helping them review their words. When you cross the line into over-functioning, you take on your child’s work and put their responsibilities on your shoulders. So you want to guide them by helping them edit their book report themselves or helping them take the time to review before a test. Those can be good ways of guiding your child, but anything more than that is taking too much ownership of their work.

If your child asks for help, you can coach them. Suggest that they speak with their teacher on how to be a good student and teach them those communication skills. In other words, show them how to help themselves. So you should not back off altogether—it’s that middle ground that you’re looking for. That’s why I think it’s essential to set up a structure. And within that structure, you expect your child to do what they have to do to be a good student.

Focus on Your Own Goals

When you start over-focusing on your child’s work, pause and think about your own goals and what do you need to get done to achieve those goals. Model your own persistence and perseverance to your child.

Believe In Your Child

I also tell parents to start believing in their children. Don’t keep looking at your child as a fragile creature who can’t do the work. I think we often come to the table with fear and doubt—we think if we don’t help our kids, they’re just not going to do it.

But as much as you say, “I’m just trying to help you,” what your child hears is, “You’re a failure; I don’t believe you can do it on your own.”

Instead, your message should be, “I know you can do it. And I believe in you enough to let you make your own choices and deal with the consequences.”

Related content: What Can I Do When My Child Refuses to Go to School? “My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over Schoolwork

For more information on the concept of learned helplessness in psychology and behavior, we recommend the following articles:

Psychology Today: Learned Helplessness

VeryWell Mind: What Is Learned Helplessness and Why Does it Happen?

About Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC

For more than 25 years, Debbie has offered compassionate and effective therapy and coaching, helping individuals, couples and parents to heal themselves and their relationships. Debbie is the creator of the Calm Parent AM & PM™ program and is also the author of numerous books for young people on interpersonal relations.

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Frank My daughter Nina just turned 8 (Feb 11). She does not like to do homework one bit. Her teacher gives her homework every day except Friday. She loves Fridays because she doesn't like homework. She always hides her homework under her bed, refuses to do her homework, and in the More morning she tells her teacher "I lost it last night and can't find it!". She feels homework is a waste of time, yes, we all feel that way, but poor Nina needs to learn that homework is important to help you stay smart. She needs to start doing homework. How can I make her 2nd-grade brain know that homework is actually good? Is there a way to make her love, love, LOVE homework? Let me know.

Rebecca Wolfenden, Parent Coach We appreciate you writing in to Empowering Parents and sharing your story. Because we are a website aimed at helping people become more effective parents, we are limited in the advice and suggestions we can give to those outside of a direct parenting role. In addition to the tips in More the article above, it may be helpful to look into local resources to help you develop a plan for addressing these particular issues with your cousins, such as their doctor or their teachers. We wish you the best going forward. Take care.

Rebecca Wolfenden, Parent Coach I hear you. Homework can be a challenging, frustrating time in many families even under the best of circumstances, so you are not alone. When kids struggle with a subject, it can be even more difficult to get assignments completed. Although you didn’t indicate that your daughter More has ADHD, you might find some helpful tips in Why School is Hard for Kids with ADHD—and How You Can Help . Author Anna Stewart outlines techniques that can be useful to help make homework more interesting for kids with a variety of learning challenges in this article. You might also consider checking in with your daughter’s teacher, as s/he might have some additional ideas for engaging your daughter in her homework. Please be sure to write back and let us know how things are going for you and your family. Take care.

So, after reading this I get to say…GREAT…You really do not know my child.  We have done 100% of everything listed in this article.  In the end, my son has utterly declared “I DON’T CARE, AND I DON’T NEED SCHOOL”.  We have attempted a “reward” system as well, and that doesn’t work.  He cares about 3 or 4 things.  Nintendo DS, Lego, K’Nex, TV…all of those he has lost over the past year.  Now he reads, ALL the time.  Fine, but that doesn’t get his homework done.  It also doesn’t get anything else he needs to do done.  We’ve done “task boards”, we’ve done “Reward Systems”, we’ve done the “What is on your list to complete”.  EVERYTHING is met with either a full fledged meltdown (think 2 year old…on the floor, kicking and screaming and crying).  His IMMEDIATE response to ANYTHING that may interrupt him is “NO” or worse.  If something doesn’t go his way directly he throws a fit INSTANTLY, even if the response is “Give me a second” it’s NOW OR I’M DESTROYING SOMETHING.  He’s been suspended multiple times for his anger issues, and he’s only 10.  Unfortuantely we have no family history as he was adopted from Russia.  His “formal” diagnosis are ADHD and Anxiety.  I’m thinking there is something much more going on.  BTW: He did have an IQ test and that put him at 145 for Spacial and Geometric items, with a 136 for written and language.  His composite was 139, which puts him in the genius category, but he’s failing across the board…because he refuses to do the work.

Interesting article and comments. Our son (6th grade) was early diagnosed as ADHD and for the first 3 years of elementary school several of his teachers suggested he might require special education. But then the school counseling staff did a workup and determined that his IQ is 161 and from that point forward his classroom antics were largely tolerated as “eccentric”.  He has now moved to middle school (6th grade) and while his classroom participation seems to be satisfactory to all teachers, he has refused to do approximately 65% of his homework so far this school year. We have tried talking with him, reasoning with him, removing screen time, offering cash payments (which he lectures us as being unethical “bribes”), offering trips, offering hobbies and sporting events, and just about anything we can think of. Our other children have all been through the “talented and gifted” programs, but he simply refuses to participate in day-to-day school work. His fall report card was pretty much solid “F” or “O” grades. He may be bored out of his mind, or he may have some other issues. Unfortunately, home schooling is not an option, and neither is one of the $40,000 per year local private schools which may or may not be in a better position to deal with his approach to school.  Do “learning centers” work for kids like this? Paying somebody else to force him to do his homework seems like a coward’s solution but I am nearly at the end of my rope! Thanks..

RebeccaW_ParentalSupport 12yokosuka Many parents struggle with staying calm when their child is acting out and screaming, so you are not alone.  It tends to be effective to set up a structured time for kids to do their homework and study, and they can earn a privilege if they comply and meet More their responsibilities.  What this might look like for your daughter is that if she studies, she can earn her phone that day.  If she refuses, and chooses to argue or scream at you instead, then she doesn’t earn her phone that day and has another chance the next day.  You can read more about this in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/.  If you are also looking for resources to help you stay calm, I encourage you to check out our articles, blogs, and other resources on https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/parenting-strategies-techniques/calm-parenting/.  Please let us know if you have any additional questions.  Take care.

Scott carcione 

I’m sorry to hear about the challenges you are experiencing with your

son.I also hear the different

approaches you and your ex are taking toward parenting your son.While it would be ideal if you were able to

find common ground, and present a consistent, united response to your son’s

choices, in the end, you can only https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/parenting-after-divorce-9-ways-to-parent-on-your-own-terms/.At

this point, it might be useful to meet with the school to discuss how you can

work together to hold your son accountable for his actions, such as receiving a

poor grade if he refuses to do his work.Janet Lehman discusses this more in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/when-your-child-has-problems-at-school-6-tips-for-parents/.Take care.

It can be so challenging when your child is acting out at school, yet does

not act that way at home.One strategy I

recommend is talking with your son at home about his behavior at school.During this conversation, I encourage you to

address his choices, and come up with a specific plan for what he can do differently

to follow the rules.I also recommend

working with his teachers, and discussing how you can assist them in helping

your son to follow the rules.You might

find additional useful tips in our article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/acting-out-in-school-when-your-child-is-the-class-troublemaker/.Please be sure to write back and let us know

how things are going for you and your son.Take care.

I hear you.It can be so challenging

when your young child is having outbursts like this.A lot of young children tend to act out and

have tantrums when they are experiencing a big transition, such as starting a

new school or adjusting to having a younger sibling, so you are not alone.Something that can be helpful is to set up

clear structure and expectations around homework, as Janet Lehman points out in

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-child-refuses-to-do-homework-heres-how-to-stop-the-struggle/.I also encourage you to set aside some time

for you to have https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/attention-seeking-behavior-in-young-children-dos-and-donts-for-parents/ with your daughter as well.Please be sure to write back and let us know

how things are going for you and your family.Take care.

JoJoSuma I am having the exact same problem with my 9 year old son. His grades are quickly falling and I have no idea why or where to begin with helping him turn things around. When he applies himself he receives score of 80% or higher, and when he doesn't it clearly shows and he receives failing scores. He, too, says that he doesn't do or want to do the work because it is boring, or that he "Forgot" or "lost it". He has started to become a disruption to the class and at this rate I am afraid that he will have to repeat 5th grade. I am also a single parent so my frustration is at an all time high. You are not alone and I wish you and your family the best.

Thank you so much for these tips RebeccaW_ParentalSupport because I SERIOUSLY had nowhere to turn and no clue where to begin. I have cried many nights feeling like I was losing control. I will try your tips and see where things go from here.

It’s not uncommon

for kids to avoid doing homework, chores or other similar tasks.  After

all, homework can be boring or difficult, and most people (both kids and adults

alike) tend to prefer activities which are enjoyable or fun.  This does

not mean that you cannot address this with your daughter, though. 

Something which can be helpful for many families is to set up a structured

homework time, and to require that your daughter complete her homework in order

to earn a privilege later on that evening.  You can read about this, and

other tips, in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/. 

Please be sure to write back and let us know how things are going for you and

your daughter.  Take care.

Thestruggleisreal I'm just now signing up for these articles, I'm struggling with my 12 year and school work, she just doesn't want to do it, she has no care I'm world to do, she is driving me crazy over not doing, I hate to see her More fail, but I don't know what to do

FamilyMan888 

I can hear how much your

daughter’s education means to you, and the additional difficulties you are

facing as a result of her learning disabilities.  You make a great point

that you cannot force her to do her work, or get additional help, and I also

understand your concern that getting her teachers to “make” her do these things

at school might create more conflict there as well.  As James Lehman

points out in his article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/stop-the-blame-game-how-to-teach-your-child-to-stop-making-excuses-and-start-taking-responsibility/, lowering your expectations for your daughter due to her

diagnosis is probably not going to be effective either.  Instead, what you

might try is involving her in the https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/, and asking her what she thinks she needs, and what she will do

differently, to meet classroom expectations.  Please be sure to write back

and let us know how things are going for you and your family.  Take care.

tvllpit Very effective to  kids age of 5, 7, and 11 years old. Thank you for sharing your idea.

Thank you for

your question.  You are correct that we recommend setting up a structured

time for kids to do homework, yet not getting into a power struggle with them

if they refuse to do their work during that time.  It could be useful to

talk with your 11 year old about what makes it difficult to follow through with

doing homework at that time, and perhaps experimenting with doing homework at

another time to see if that works more effectively.  In the end, though,

if your child is simply refusing to do the work, then we recommend giving a

consequence and avoiding a power struggle.  Megan Devine details this

process more in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/end-the-nightly-homework-struggle-5-homework-strategies-that-work-for-kids/. 

Please let us know if you have any additional questions.  Take care.

jovi916 I'm a mother to a 10 year old 5th grader. Since 3rd grade I've been struggling with homework. That first year, I thought it was just lack of consistency since my children go between mine and dad's house. I tried setting some sort of system up with More the teacher to get back on track, but the teacher said it was the child's responsibility to get the hw done. This year has been esp. Difficult. He stopped doing hw, got an F, so I got on him. He stared turning half done work, but same grades so I still got on him. Grades went up, I loosened up, then he stopped with in school work. Now it's back to not turning anything in, even big projects and presentations. He had never really been allowed to watch tv, but now it's a definite no, I took his Legos away, took him out of sports. Nothing is working. He's basically sitting at the table every night, and all weekend long in order to get caught up with missing assignments. I'm worried, and next year he'll be in middle school. I try setting an example by studying in front of him. My daughter just does her homework and gets good grades. Idk what to do.

I can hear your concern. Academic achievement is important

to most parents and when your children seem to be struggling to complete their

work and get good grades, it can be distressing. Ultimately, your childrens’

school work and grades are their responsibility. You shouldn’t have to quit

your own studies in order to help them improve theirs. The above article gives

some great tips for helping motivate your children to complete their homework.

We do have a couple other articles you may also find useful: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/10-ways-to-motivate-your-child-to-do-better-in-school/ & https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/sinking-fast-at-school-how-to-help-your-child-stay-afloat/. We appreciate you

writing in and hope you find the information useful. Take care.

RNM I have the exact same issues with my 8 year old. It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. He's a smart kid, he just doesn't seem to care to do his homework let alone if he gets a bad grade as a result. He hates reading, but does More very well in spelling and science. Homework is an issue nightly and the teacher pulled me aside today to tell me again how much he talks in class and that now he isn't writing down his assignments and is missing 3 assignments this week. SMH, I don't know what to do anymore other than to coach him (some more) and take away basketball if he doesn't do his homework.

What?  "Let homework stay where it belongs—between the teacher and the student. Refuse to get pulled in by the school.."  I do not see the logic or benefit of this advice.  Homework, by definition, is the responsibility of the student and parent (NOT the teacher).  The teacher does not live at the student's home or run the house.  

In my opinion, the lack of parental involvement with academics often causes the low student performance evident across the U.S.  I do not agree with advocating for even LESS parental involvement.

I completely agree with you. Parental, or adult, engagement at home can be a deal-maker/breaker when it comes to student performance. I subscribe to theories that differ from the author's.

First, if an adult is involved with the child and his activities, then the child will commonly react with "hey, somebody cares about me" leading to an increased sense of self-worth. A sense of caring about one's-self leads to caring about grades and other socially acceptable behaviors (Maslow).

Secondly, I am a FIRM believer in the techniques of behavior modification through positive reinforcement (Karen Pryor). It's up to an invested adult to determine what motivates the student and use those motivators to shape and reinforce desirable behavior such as daily homework completion. A classroom teacher has too many students and too little time to apply this theory.

Letting a child sink or swim by himself is a bad idea. Children have only one childhood; there are no do-overs.

And yes, children are work.

Many experience similar feelings of being at fault when

their child fails, so, you’re not alone. Truth of the matter is, allowing your

child to experience natural consequences of their actions by allowing them to

fail gives them the opportunity to look at themselves and change their

behavior.  We have a couple articles I think you may find helpful: When You Should Let Your Child Fail: The Benefits of Natural Consequences & 5 Natural Consequences You Should Let Your Child Face . Good luck to you and

your family moving forward. Take care.

hao hao It is so true, we can't control our children's home. It is their responsibility. But they don't care it. What can we do it?

indusreepradeep

How great it is that you want to help your brother be more

productive with his homework. He’s lucky to have a sibling who cares about him

and wants him to be successful. Because we are a website aimed at helping

parents develop better ways of managing acting out behavior, we are limited in

the advice we can offer you as his sibling. There is a website that may be able

to offer you some suggestions. http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/

is a website aimed at helping teens and young adults figure out ways of dealing

with challenges they may be facing in their lives. They offer several ways of

getting support, such as by e-mail or text, through an online forum and chat,

and also a call in helpline. You can check out what they have to offer at http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/. Good luck

to you and your family moving forward. Take care.

Kathleenann indusreepradeep

Thank you so much for your humble support....

It sounds like you have done a lot

of work to try to help your daughter achieve her educational goals, and it’s

normal to feel frustrated when she does not seem to be putting in the same

amount of effort.  It can be useful to keep your focus on whether your

daughter is doing her work, and to keep that separate from whether she “cares”

about doing her work.  Ultimately, it is up to your daughter to do her

work, regardless of how she appears to feel about it.  To that end, we

recommend working with the various local supports you have in place, such as

her therapists and others on her IEP team, to talk about what could be useful

to motivate your daughter to do her school work.  Because individuals with

autism can vary greatly with their abilities, it’s going to be more effective

to work closely with the professionals who are familiar with your daughter’s

strengths and level of functioning in order to develop a plan to address this

issue.  Thank you so much for writing in; we wish you and your daughter

all the best as you continue to address her difficulties with school. 

is there a blog for parents that went to Therapeutic boarding schooling for their adolescent?

Responses to questions posted on EmpoweringParents.com are not intended to replace qualified medical or mental health assessments. We cannot diagnose disorders or offer recommendations on which treatment plan is best for your family. Please seek the support of local resources as needed. If you need immediate assistance, or if you and your family are in crisis, please contact a qualified mental health provider in your area, or contact your statewide crisis hotline.

We value your opinions and encourage you to add your comments to this discussion. We ask that you refrain from discussing topics of a political or religious nature. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to every question posted on our website.

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• 5. When Your Child Has Problems at School: 6 Tips for Parents
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How to help your child get motivated in school.

Strategies you can use to help kids work up to their potential

Writer: Danielle Cohen

Clinical Experts: Laura Phillips, PsyD, ABPdN , Ken Schuster, PsyD , Kristin Carothers, PhD

What You'll Learn

• Why do some kids have trouble getting motivated in school?
• How can parents help their children try harder in school?

It’s common for kids to lack motivation in school. Sometimes, this happens because the child has ADHD, anxiety, social challenges, or a learning disability. But other times, kids without a diagnosable problem still have trouble living up to their potential in school. Here are a few ways that parents can encourage kids to put in more effort at school.

Start by showing kids that you care about their schoolwork. Check in with them about how classes are going. Let them know that you’re there if they need homework help. Ask what they’re learning and what they like (and don’t like) about the assignments. With older kids, be sure to give them space, too. If they sense that you’re pressuring them, they might end up feeling resentful and less motivated.

Using positive reinforcement helps. You don’t need to give kids big rewards, but even small ones like a high five or a few extra minutes of screen time can make a difference. It’s also important to praise effort, not results. For example, praise your child for finishing a tough assignment or taking a class that might be hard. Nobody gets top grades all the time, so make sure your child knows you don’t expect perfection.

You can also bring in reinforcements if schoolwork is becoming a source of conflict for you and your child. You could hire an older student at your child’s school or a nearby college to help monitor homework and ease stress on the family. Talking to your child’s teacher can also give you insight into their behavior and help you work as a team to encourage them.

Finally, be sure to keep tabs on your own feelings. If you’re getting very frustrated or angry about your child’s school performance, a therapist or support group can help.

If you have a child who is struggling in school and doesn’t seem to be motivated to make an effort, the first thing you want to do is explore whether there is some obstacle getting in his way. Learning issues , social challenges, attention or emotional problems can all cause kids to disengage academically.

But not all kids who are underperforming in school—clearly not living up to their potential—have a diagnosable problem . And there are a number of things parents can do to help motivate kids to try harder.

Get involved

As a parent, your presence in the academic life of your child is crucial to their commitment to work. Do homework with them, and let them know that you’re available to answer questions. Get in the habit of asking them about what they learned in school, and generally engage them academically. By demonstrating your interest in your child’s school life, you’re showing them school can be exciting and interesting. This is especially effective with young kids who tend to be excited about whatever you’re excited about. Teenagers can bristle if they feel you are asking too many questions, so make sure you are sharing the details of your day, too. A conversation is always better than an interrogation.

Likewise, it’s important to stay involved but give older kids a little more space. If you’re on top of your kid all the time about homework, they may develop resistance and be less motivated to work—not to mention the strain it will put on your relationship.

Use reinforcement

Many parents are nervous about rewarding kids for good work , and it’s true that tangible rewards can turn into a slippery slope. But there are ways to use extrinsic motivation that will eventually be internalized by your kid. “Kids respond really well to social reinforcers like praises, hugs, high fives, and those kinds of things,” says Laura Phillips , PsyD, a neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “Then they start to achieve because it feels good for them.”

Ken Schuster , PsyD, a neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute, encourages parents to use rewarding activities that would have probably occurred either way but placing them after a set amount of time doing homework. He suggests treats that are easy to provide but that your child will enjoy, such as going for ice cream or sharing a candy bar. He also recommends breaking work up into chunks and using small breaks as rewards for getting through each chunk.

Reward effort rather than outcome

The message you want to send is that your respect hard work. Praising kids for following through when things get difficult, for making a sustained effort, and for trying things they’re not sure they can do successfully can all help teach them the pleasure of pushing themselves. Praise for good grades that come easily can make kids feel they shouldn’t have to exert themselves.

Help them see the big picture

For older kids who have developed an understanding of delayed gratification, sometimes simple reminders of their long-term goals can help push them. It can help many high school seniors who slack off after getting into college to remind them that they could lose their acceptance if their grades drop too much, or they might not be prepared for college courses. “Linking school up with their long-term goals can make the work feel more personally fulfilling,” explains Dr. Phillips.

Let them make mistakes

No one can get A’s on every test or perfect score on every assignment. While kids need encouragement, and it’s healthy to push them to try their best, know that setbacks are natural . Sometimes the only way kids learn how to properly prepare for school is by finding out what happens when they’re unprepared.

Get outside help

One way to take a little tension away from your relationship with your child is to find an older student (either at their school or a nearby college) to help them out with work. Most will charge pretty low rates, and the fact that they’re closer to your kid’s age may make it more likely they’ll listen to what they say.

“Homework was a source of conflict for us,” says Elizabeth, whose son Alex has ADHD . Elizabeth hired a few Barnard students to help Alex do his homework on certain nights, she recalls. “He behaved a lot better with them, and it was money well spent for me because I wasn’t fighting, and I wasn’t stressed out.”

Make the teacher your ally

Another one of the most important things you can do for your child is to work with their teacher. The teacher might have additional insight about how to motivate your child or what they might be struggling with. Likewise, you can share any strategies or information that you have.

When her son was in lower school and only had one teacher, Elizabeth would call his teacher before the first day, introducing herself and alerting the teacher that her son had ADHD and that he found it hard to focus. She would give the teacher little tips that she had found were useful with Alex: Writing multi-step directions on the board, tapping him on the shoulder while walking past to make sure he was paying attention and other small tweaks that would be useful to any young child but are especially essential to one with ADHD.

“Make sure that both school and home are of one accord,” stresses Kristin Carothers, PhD, a clinical psychologist. Dr. Carothers often sets up a system she calls the daily report card. With this system, the child gets points from their teacher for things like completing work and following directions the first time they get them. Then they bring those points home, where their parents give them small rewards, such as extra time on the iPad or playing a game together.

Get support for yourself

It can be just as frustrating to watch your child withdraw from school as it can be difficult for the kid themself to focus. Elizabeth says that she often feels judged as a parent for having a son who struggles so much in school.

Some schools have support groups for parents of kids who are less motivated, and if your child’s school doesn’t, Elizabeth encourages setting one up. “It’s very comforting to hear that you’re not alone,” she says. “It’s also helpful to hear people who have gone ahead of you talk about how to navigate the school’s system, find a therapist, and talk to teachers.”

“If you’re feeling yourself getting really angry or frustrated with your kids, take a step back,” Dr. Carothers recommends. “Put things into context.”

It’s also important to keep your goals in perspective: Your child may not become a star student. Make sure to focus on the effort they put in and the commitment they show instead of the outcome. If you expect perfect achievement from a child who struggles in school, you’ll drive yourself crazy.

“I’m not trying to get my child to be someone he’s not,” Elizabeth says about her efforts to help her son. “I just want him to reach his potential.”

Frequently Asked Questions

You can motivate your child to do homework by letting them know you’re available to answer any questions they might have and that you see how hard they’re working. You can also reward them with small treats, like going out for ice cream, after they finish a certain amount of homework.

To motivate a child to do well in school, use positive reinforcement such as hugs and high fives, reward their effort rather than specific outcomes, and help them make the connection between current effort and achieving long-term goals such as getting into college.

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How to Motivate your Child to do Homework: 5 Simple Ideas that work

For a lot of parents, the scariest thing would probably be their beloved school going child coming to their room with a bunch of undone home work sheets the night before their submission date. The second most scary thing would possibly be a ghost or something. After all, what could cause an adrenaline rush better? If your otherwise naughty child gives you puppy-dog eyes and comes with a giant smile plastered on their face, you don’t need any amusement park ride for an adventure; you know you’re in for an all-nighter or a hurried homework completion session.

If you’re a parent whose child often turns their back on homework and comes to you at the eleventh hour and barely manages to complete it, you’re not alone. Whether one likes to do it or not, homework constitutes an important part of one’s academic life. If your child is not the super rare, highly punctual, organised and academically high-spirited sort, you would know about the qualms associated with homework and the conflict it begets in families. So, how does one really inspire one’s child to get to successfully do their homework? To address the elephant in the room, we must first take a look at the ideas kids with different temperaments and personalities have towards homework and why they don’t find it worth completing.

A few of the reasons why children aren’t motivated to do their homework are:

• They are usual procrastinators who don’t want to know why it is given and how they would be benefited by it in the long term.
• They simply forget that they have been given homework.
• They are finding the space at home to be not so conducive for doing their homework and also think they lack the necessary technological support to aid them.
• They are overly attached to gadgets or playing video games because of which they don’t devote as much time to studying and completing the home work.
• They are more inclined towards activities outside of school, such as karate, yoga, music and painting classes or have a demanding schedule because of those pursuits.

The truth is, there is no ideal way of luring or tricking kids into doing their homework with temporary rewards like increased screen-time, gifting their expensively favourite video games or toys, or even the promise of buying them a swanky new bicycle. You most probably will see them going back to square one and ditching their homework as and when they’ve exhausted your captivating rewards.

As a concerned parent, the best thing that one can do is identify what’s causing kids to make faces when it comes down to home work. This is especially true in the context of maths homework. Given the fact that mathematics needs to be studied almost every day for students to be able to learn the sheer variety of concepts that it has, practice and timely homework are a must.

By dealing with the crux of kids’ aversion towards homework, parents can come up with a solution that permanently fixes the problem and motivates them to do their homework not just once, but consistently, without any crutches or attachment to rewards.

Tips to Motivate Your Child to do Homework

The following remedies might prove to be of great help if you’re a parent wanting to sweeten your child’s bitter relationship with homework.

Explaining to them the rationale behind regularly doing homework and its upside:

Most kids would think of homework as an unnecessary and painstaking activity. Parents can change this perception if they successfully show their kids that homework is meant for their greater good. Putting things on hold and lazing around is a natural human tendency, but becomes a source of tension when one keeps on postponing tasks. When kids persistently solve their homework maths problems every day, they’re hardwiring whatever they learn through doing their homework into their brain. By doing this, students won’t feel nearly as helpless or stressed on the day before their maths exam as they would otherwise, by finding themselves toppling with the weight of pending math homework. After all, it’s better to do the math little by little and then take the exam and have a fruitful aftermath!

Setting daily reminders for checking homework:

Let us admit. The best of us forgets to do things. While some kids may be masters of mischief and have an otherwise strong memory when it comes down to their monkey business, they may display a newly weakened memory when asked about their homework. It almost is like magic, and a great spell that can work to counteract this magic is reminders. Whether they are in the form of sticky notes pasted at spots where kids can see them or digital reminders found in your smartphones, you can use them to remind children about their homework. Even if your child is one that devotedly does his or her homework and genuinely forgets about it once in a while, reminders can and do help. If they are successful able to finish their homework, they’re eligible for a hearty praise that would further motivate them to do it in the future as well by giving them a sense of accomplishment.

Creating a tranquil atmosphere at home for kids to be able to study and approach you very easily:

A great deal of parents are completely aware of and keep a track of their child’s activities and progress in school. Sailing through a lot of personal, familial, professional and social obligations can be a task for anyone, but a responsible parent must pay heed to their little ones’ learning needs through it all. Let your kids relax for a while once they come back home from school. If you nag them and ask them to take to doing their homework while they’re still reeling from their schoolwork, it is going to backfire. Let them take a break and then you could talk to them about their homework.

Familial conflicts and halfhearted parenthood can create an environment in the house that is nowhere conducive to a child’s mental health, and could distract them from studying. A lot of mental calculation goes into doing maths homework, and parents must ensure a calm atmosphere in the house. Maybe your child is a shy one and maybe he or she needs more attention. Since kids won’t always tell you or talk to you about what’s bothering them or what they need, you need to pay attention to the little things such as the presence of ample of stationery items and geometric tools and calculators. Parents must take time out of their schedule and sit with their children and help them in their homework. They can and should try and explain to them basic concepts in the subject, if they ever need help at all. This would give two benefits. One would be of a bettered bonding between the parents and children and the other would be an increased interest in doing homework. ( Also Read: Understanding the Teenage Brain: What’s going on inside? .)

Limit their screen time to a healthy quantity:

The homes of a lot of people on the face of the earth today are laden with gadgets of different sorts. While it is understandable that kids in the present day revel and deserve to revel in entertainment that gaming consoles or smartphones and tablets provide, they must be taught well to exploit the functions of those devices that can enrich them in educational knowledge as well.

If kids continue to have unrestrained access to such devices, they will most likely be immersed in them irredeemably. This will most likely prevent them from doing their homework. Hence, parents must ensure that kids have a healthy amount of screen time and know when to intervene.

Even if a child is fond of playing outdoors with friends and takes little interest in studies, he/ she must be explained how physical activity is indeed a great thing, but one must devote their time to home work and studying as well. Knowing when to intervene in their kids’ activities and knowing how to do it softly yet triumphantly is one skill that the parents must conjure.

Create a well turned out timetable for managing kids’ extracurricular to create a balance between their school life and the life beyond school:

Parents almost always feel proud when their children take to learning things. It is commendable when one’s child excels at school, and parents find their hearts swelling with pride when he or she blooms even in the activities that they undertake while they’re not studying. One can learn to paint, to play the guitar or the piano, to learn to ride a horse, learn singing or even learn martial arts and a parent would only be proud. It does become a problem though when kids find themselves stretched in between and entangled in two things. To prevent kids from having a tiring schedule and to enable them to do their homework calmly, a carefully designed timetable will only help. Parents can sit with their kids and address the issue of time management. By making a time table, kids can devote the correct amount of time to whatever they are pursuing, while ensuring their homework and studying doesn’t take a hit.

Often, the strife created by incomplete homework pushes kids to be on the brink of tears. It also frustrates parents and at times leads to a face-off between the two parties. Realising that a child can be motivated to do their homework with steady and continual efforts is imperative for the parents. As a parent, if you feel your child is genuinely overwhelmed with homework even after having a shot at it, you know it’s time to talk to the teacher and see if the quantity of homework that he or she is giving in the school is the pink of their mental and physical health or is plainly excessive.

A robust quantity of homework is essential for your child, and he or she can be encouraged to do it with channeled efforts of yours sooner or later. Hold their hand whenever they need it, and you probably wouldn’t be too far from marveling at their academic transformation with regular homework.

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Make Homework More Engaging — and Boost Your Child’s Confidence, Too

How one child with adhd learned to actually love homework — and how your child can, too..

A very smart 10-year-old named Zach used to come home from school, sigh heavily, drop his backpack on the floor and say, “I don’t have any homework !”

“How ’bout math? You usually have math ,” his dad said.

“I don’t wanna,” says Zach, “It’s stupid and boring” (which usually means, “It’s too hard”).

Dad coaxed, encouraged, sweet-talked, and bribed his son, to no avail. Zach resisted doing his homework almost every night.

Zach’s dad and mom shared their frustration and worry with Zach’s teacher and, together, they worked out an arrangement, a plan to motivate Zach to get his work done — and boost his resilience and confidence along the way.

[ Free Resource: Solve Common Homework Frustrations ]

Tackling Homework with Joy

The following day after the meeting, Zach’s teacher asked all of the kids to take a look at their homework and pick out three of the 15 problems assigned that they were most likely to get right. She didn’t ask them to pick the easiest problems, but she built in some easy items to make this work better up front.

Then she asked the kids to use a 5-point scale to rate the difficulty level of each problem: 1 is thumbs up, a piece of cake; 5 is super hard. She asked the class to write a number next to the problem and to rate their ability to do each of these independently (1= no help needed). She said, “OK, tonight you have to do these three problems. Please show them to a parent to explain what you’re doing. You can do the rest of the problems, but you don’t have to if you run out of time or energy.”

The next day the teacher asked the kids to talk about whether their difficulty rating was accurate: “What number would you assign, now that you’ve done it? And how about the independence rating…were you right? Any changes there? Did you need more help than you thought you would?” The teacher added: “How confident do you feel about the answers to these three problems?” Again, she asked them to use a rating scale.

She handed out the correct answers and asked the class, “How did you do? How do you feel about doing this activity? We’re going to do something like this again tonight, but this time I want you to double the number of problems you tackle.”

[ 12 Shortcuts for Kids Who Hate Homework ]

After the kids — all the kids, not just Zach — circled six items, the teacher asked them how they felt about this challenge. The next day she talked with the class about competence and confidence again. When all the kids said they felt good about their work, she said, “This is the way you should feel about all, or at least most, of your homework.”

On the third day, in keeping with the plan the parents worked out with the teacher, the teacher announced, “Tonight you must do all of your homework. Tell your parents about this and tell them you want to try to do the problems by yourself, but let them know you may need their help. This time, you will do three things: 1) Mark down your start/stop times. I want to see how long it takes each of you to do the same assignment. Don’t worry: I won’t disclose this info to anyone. 2) Rate the level of adult assistance you got. 3) Tomorrow I’ll ask you to give the assignment a confidence rating.”

Making Mistakes — and “Repairing” Them

The teacher asked the kids to show their homework to their parents, having identified in class the three items that will be the most challenging. She included one item that is really hard and said, “You have to do the three problems that you rated as most difficult, and you have to do this ‘extra hard’ one that I added. It’s very likely that some of you will make mistakes, and this is good. Because tomorrow we’re going to have an ‘error repair clinic.’”

Sure enough, some of the kids made errors. The teacher assigned kids to repair teams. Their job was to find out where the error-maker went wrong. Then, as a team, they “repaired” the problem and presented their thought process (and the correct answer) to the class or a larger subgroup.

This little exercise boosted Zach’s confidence. He is less afraid of making mistakes, and knows now that his job is to find and fix inevitable errors. His attitude about homework has changed: He is more likely to look at math as a challenge that can be overcome; he’ll know the joy of success that will keep the momentum going; and he will spend less time in “I can’t” land. In short, he is more likely to bend and rebound rather than freeze up and break when faced with a challenge at school or in life.

What’s more, parents and teacher have learned how to build success together. By the way, you can bet that, for every Zach, there are six kids in a classroom who need this kind of training. I’m sure the teacher will be getting a lot of thank-you notes from parents who find homework time more peaceful.

The Right Kind of Homework

When Zach’s teacher tells her students that “this is the way you should feel when you do your homework,” she is stating the approach I advocate. To be effective, homework should give opportunities to kids to do things that they learned how to do during the day, and that they believe they can do pretty successfully. There should also be some challenge built into homework, some reason for kids to push themselves closer to what I call the “boundary of their competence.”

Homework should never be used to introduce or teach a new concept. This puts a lot of kids on the edge of their incompetence. It is not a good idea, because kids will shy away from tasks that don’t make them feel smart and look competent.

If you like the plan Zach’s parents worked out with his teacher but find yourself thinking, “Yeah, but my child’s teacher won’t go along with it,” do this: Give your child’s teacher a copy of this article and ask them to e-mail me — [email protected] — telling me how the plan worked. Tell them I’d like to add their comments to a growing list from other teachers who rave about this simple and effective approach.

You can use this method at home, as long as your child’s teacher agrees that your child will complete fewer problems in the short run. The goal is to get back to the expected level of solving problems, but with less stress and more success. Who could argue with that?

Remember, if most homework requires help from adults, kids don’t get the chance to feel the joy of independence from doing it on their own. When little kids master a task on their own, they cry out: “Look, Mommy, I did it!” (Remember those sweet moments?) That’s what kids should feel when they do homework.

[ How to Cut Homework Time In Half ]

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Are you looking for ways to motivate students to finish their homework? If so, keep reading.

1. Establish a homework system for the learner (e.g., 2 days a week, work with drill flash cards; 3 days a week, work on bookwork sent home, etc.). This will add some assortment to the learner’s homework.

2. Make sure that the learner knows the relationship between unacceptable behavior and the consequences that follow (e.g., forgetting to finish homework will result in a low grade).

3. Repeat instructions to increase the learner’s likelihood of comprehension.

4. Make sure the learner has learned the ideas presented at school. Homework should be a form of practice for what has been learned at school.

5. Get the learner to create a specific time each evening to work on homework tasks .

6. Assess the degree of task difficulty to ascertain whether the learner will require additional information, time, assistance, etc., to finish a task at home.

7. Get the learner to ask a friend to call them at night or in the morning to remind them to bring tasks to school.

8. Provide instructions in an assortment of ways to enable the learner’s comprehension (e.g., if the learner fails to understand oral instructions , present them in written form).

9. Teach the learner time-management skills. Get the learner to make a daily plan and follow it. Urge the learner to avoid becoming distracted by activities, impulses, and moods.

10. Let the learner have additional time to turn in homework tasks .

11. Create a learning center at school where professional educators are available to help with homework tasks before school begins, the last hour of each school day, etc.

12. Get the learner and a peer who has the same task to do their homework together (e.g., right after school at one home or the other, during study hall, etc.).

13. Praise those students in the classroom who finish their homework tasks and return them to school.

14. Send homework tasks and learning materials home with someone other than the learner (e.g., brother, sister, neighbor, etc.).

15. Give the learner a selection of tasks , requiring them to select a minimum number from the total (e.g., present the learner with 10 academic tasks from which they must finish 6 that day).

16. Consider using an education app to help the student sharpen their organizational skills. Click here to view a list of apps that we recommend .

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